We're back. After taking a Sunday off to barbecue and remember something, the Dervishes today enter Phase 2 of our super-secret master plan for interstellar softball supremacy. Phase 1, you might have guessed, was "Suck balls." Mission accomplished. Phase 1 reached its successful conclusion two Sundays ago, when a 7-5 loss to "Dem Cats" left us 0-3, thereby granting us "Clown Shoes" certification, and the attendant league-wide disrepute that is so important to our cause.
And our cause is a movie. Because while there's something to be said for the purity of amateur pseudo-sports, there is also something to be said for the purity of really pure cocaine. And that something is "LET'S GET NAKED!!! WOOOOO!!!" But movies don't get made about juggernauts. Hollywood wants the unlikely champions, man. The first half-hour of any sports movie worth its salt has to include enough comic bunglery to justify intermittent reaction shots where the coach throws his hat on the ground and contemplates suicide. And the Dervishes have delivered. Now we can "miraculously" turn it around and set ourselves up for a showdown with the seemingly-unstoppable team that beat our asses early on (the 4-0 A-Town Nugs). If all goes according to plan, Hollywood won't be able to resist, and the Dervishes will soon come to a multiplex near you, to be played by the cast of 300 (which would be about akin to casting Dennis Quaid to play Jim Morris -who really looks like this, yet apparently does not molest children or run a saloon).
Anyway, today we play "The Rocks", one of two undefeated teams in the league. Next week's opponent: "The Rocks". Good fucking job, schedule makers. And all false bravado aside, we will probably lose. If so, I'll see you here next week, armed with some equally mealy-mouthed attempt to laugh off our soul-crushing shittiness. If we win, I'll probably post something ejaculatory later on tonight, then go get drunk. So again, see you next week.
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