Post About Not Always Writing Dervish Posts Which Is Nonetheless Still All About The Dervishes

It was too much, I know. I think that Nate decided to post as a sort of passive-aggressive intervention, before my descent into Dervish-inspired madness was irreversible. I was young and foolish, and I kept telling myself that I was just a hobbyist - that I could stop any time I wanted to and go back to how things were. Besides, I don't have to tell you that Dervish posts always feel so damn good. And that's the thing about addiction, friends: what feels so much like transcendence is really about as base and earthbound as it gets. But you don't usually figure that out until your tongue has already been in somebody's butt; I was one of the lucky ones who had a support system that cut me off before it came to that. Really, taping "Dervish" over the "Cheeri" on my cereal box isn't that bad. And neither is editing the nutrition facts, because Dervishos do have one billion percent of your daily Pimp Juice. And Boardwalk is a stupid street name in Monopoly, anyway. But I shudder to think of what I've no-doubt driven my readers to do under the influence of my powerful Dervish posts. So I had to do something, for you.

But I can't quit Dervish posts altogether; you (I) love them too much. It's just about moderation. To that end, I recently got some great blogging advice from the Foundation for Alcohol Responsibility. It was pretty poorly-written, but I know exactly what they were going for:

Pair your (blog posts). The single best habit you can adopt is to always (blog) one non(Dervish post) for every (blog about) (Dervishes), (softball), or (pussies who take walks).

(...)

Pairing your (blogs) in this way offers several benefits (for your readers):

You are slowing and diluting (their)(Dervish) intake. This gives (their) (minds) more time to adjust to and metabolize the (Dervish posts) (they) consume, and gives (them) more control over (their) (reading) experience, since (they) can "slow down" by switching to (non-Dervish posts), making (them) more likely to be enjoyably relaxed as opposed to (frothing at the mouth) and (having dangerously powerful orgasms).

(Dervish posts) (are) a (roller-coaster ride of emotion), (titillating) you and making you (randy), so (reading) a non(Dervish post) keeps you (clothed). [This also helps to prevent (becoming a Dervish groupie), which (is) partially caused by (Dervish posts).]

(They) can also better enjoy the (metaphorical) flavor of (their) chosen (softball team), because (non-Dervish posts) can help clear your (metaphorical) palate.

It's good advice. My next post will not be even vaguely Derv-ish, which will calm everyone down before I launch into the Weekly Dervish Update (which should be a doozy). But as I take my first tentative steps back into the world of non-Dervish-related blogging, I simply ask for your continued patience and understanding. If I occasionally interrupt a post about words that sound funny with "Hit your fuck-damn cutoff man!", please forgive me and continue your regular yawning routine. Funny word: milquetoast.